i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
