I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
