if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
how does that bad decision feel?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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