found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
