We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
