He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
