Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
