so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
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