I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
