Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
it was like eating out sand paper
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
