you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I touched a dick in church today
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
