I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
