I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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