I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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