If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
