I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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