Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
