so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize