Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
