we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
