don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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