Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
