im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
