I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
