I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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