i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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