before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
