if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize