her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
