You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
