When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
