Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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