community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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