I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You need Xanax blowdarts
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
