I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
