Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
