I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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