You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
