If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
