my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize