so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
