I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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