Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
