no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
