watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
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