So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize