Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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