Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
