If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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