Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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