Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(856): View more from New Jersey

unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating

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(409): View more from Texas

We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus

(1-409): View more from Texas

How are you texting me from 1998?

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(803): View more from South Carolina

A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.

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(847): View more from Illinois

no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.

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(850): View more from Florida

Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.

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(602): View more from Arizona

Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...

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(708): View more from Illinois

NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.

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