proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
bring money and cleavage
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
