i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
