I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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