I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
