last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
