I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She's the barista slut.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
