Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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