I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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