Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
