He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
