Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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