I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
