so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
