I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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