Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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