i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
