I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
