There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
