his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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