At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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