she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
