I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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