I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
