He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
