ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
