Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
