I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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