i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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