she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
