what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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