so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
