Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
