you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I need to sanitize my soul.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
