So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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