then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
