I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
